January 12, 2019

I want him to love me more.

But then when I get that love, I will be bored of it. It’s interesting that I’m in this mindset without ever having been physically intimate with him. It really goes to show how you can become attached to a person to this extent and then not know what to do with yourself when they’re not in your vicinity. It’s still pretty early on, and I’m still trying to figure myself out I suppose.

It’s not even him. It’s really my own mind and battling the stuff that I do on a day-to-day basis. I would be much better off if I would have more discipline. I think lack of discipline in general is why I’m so miserable and then feel anxious and guilty about it. That’s why the stimulants were so great.

I have no medical insurance so what.

Those meds will just make me anxious. What I need to do is fix my diet.

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